TLDR: Take real breaks if you struggle finding purpose.
I can't sleep. It is 2 am and I just couldn't stop watching shortform
content on my phone. It has been quite some time since the last time I
used Instagram but now it got to me once again. It feels like as if my
dopamine always finds its way of satisfaction. Last week it was music,
now it is Social Media ... and almost always it is Youtube. It feels
like an relief even though it isn't. It feels like taking a break even
though you will come back exhausted. I just wish I could feel the ease
that I find in watching/consuming in creating sometimes. We all do
probably. But that's also a reason why it makes hard things so
desireable and valuable. The threshold to creation doesn't have to be
that high though, you just need to manage your time better. When you
lack in purpose because you went down on creation too hard you need to
refocus. Remember initial intentions, taking a moment too question if it
is even the right thing you are doing and if the version of you 50mins
ago would do it the same way. That is supposed to give you the feeling
of being on top of things, of being in charge of the decision making
process. I am gonna try to do nothing else but the things that I have
written down somewhere once. Easier said then done but I think active
breaks will make it more realistic. So... keep on being in love with
your craft but don't forget to take breaks. It is not a sprint but an
endurance game.
Built another CV.
TLDR: Go all in on one thing and then introduce things back in.
The past 4 to 5 days I have been doing nothing else other than sitting
in a room, building Websites from scratch. I keep on getting lost in
certain tasks and spend hours just tackling the things I encounter. What
a weird but natural way of trying to approach a goal. I am still
wondering if it would be a vital idea for gaining competitive advantages
in business cause I feel like big companies leak behind due to
management expenses - at least that is what I am telling myself when I
absolutely neglect any form of task management. The thing is, I like
breaking up a bigger challenge in pieces and then slowly progress while
doing so, collecting positive emotions while checking off tasks giving
off the feeling of moving towards something. But when you are one person
it is not really mandatory to do that, all you need to know is a rough
estimate of where you are and some kind of guidance to push you in the
right direction. Most of the times when I was setting up project boards,
at the end of the day it almost always felt like just procrastinating
and I would have learned more with a failed attempt at the same expense
in time. Alright I really gotta get some rest now cause it is 2:15AM and
I have been up until 3:30 the past 3 or 4 nights. What I wanted to have
said now, is that I just feel like you gotta invest everything towards
getting a result, a result is so vitally important I think. Just move
fast and get results. Get into the position of getting to make a
decision. I want to make decisions based off results and for that I
gotta iterate. Iterate faster! Alright, bye.
Just got hit.
TLDR: I am at shifting point in my life rn. a big one.
Today it happened. I received something kind of similar to an ultimatum.
I was told that I need to improve otherwise I will face major
consequences. Something I feel like I don't deserve. I don't deserve to
be in the same situation having to do the same fucked up work that I
already know I hate doing. I got one month time to decide wether I am
gonna stay at the company I am right now or I will be fired in case I
don't improve my means of quality. I don't fear leaving the company, I
fear being deserted. Having nothing to rely upon. I know that I am not
gonna continue on working at that company it is just a matter of time
when I am going to leave. Just a matter of time, so why not leave right
now and have 1 month of full work loaded up. The only question I got
left is what is gonna happen to me ... am I gonna find another job (I
don't want a job). I am gonna find a new job if I want, don't fool
yourself. The only thing I want is some security, making the leave look
smooth, like as if I was leaving because I found better opportunities or
whatever... The better opportunities aren't just there yet, the thing
that I am betting on is myself. I am betting on the fact that I am
capable of building something that will financially aid me, as of right
now I luckily got quite a buffer built up I could work with, people
around are telling me that I shouldn't do it, I shouldn't quit my job,
because of safety or whatever... But those same people are still broke
doing work that I would never want to do so why on earth would I accept
their suggestions... If you want to make it you have to hit hard and
change things no matter what. I am gonna work my ass to death this
weekend, pushing out 3 projects and a well refined CV. Then I am gonna
cancel my company, get homeless dimes and invest 100% of my time into
building something. COLD TURKEY. I might not make any money for some
time but I damn for sure know that I am crafting something that
represents my true self. You didn't do it for the past 12 months but
that absolutely doesn't mean you can't do it right now.
How to get things done?
TLDR: Build up a momentum and prolong it.
Pomodoro is something that doesn't really make sense, especially in
Software - you chop your flow by predefined, fixed time slots. Once you
finally get into the mode of "just doing", you shouldn't just stop...
you should let it breathe and have as much impact as possible. Nothing
feels better than having something completed and repetitive breaks are
just a delay to this feeling. In a truly productive workflow, there is
no time for breaks cause these are just enemies to the pure feeling of
completeness. In a team context it doesn't even have to necessary be the
solution but can also be an answer, like an deligation to someone else.
The feeling of ticking things off without a break, without a stop,
without a time delay can get you addicted because of a faster response
loop. When you think of the normal things people get addicted to, the
same thing can be stated - people do it because of an instant feedback
of dopamine. Obviously there are tasks that take more time and effort
and thinking to get completed and that is the reason why it doesn't feel
as addicting most of the time. One sits down tries to get the dopamine
hit but ends up getting lost in a never ending hole of questions -
dopamine is delayed and people become less hooked by the idea of
completing the next thing.
How to productively document your life progressing?
TLDR: Journalling only for yourself is a waste of time, introduce
emphasis on quality by exposing it to potential blame from others.
Continuing on the topic of why this blog exists I want to talk about
journaling. A process that should feel effortless and you do in a
somewhat repetitive manner. When doing daily it almost feels like a
chore though and will probably make you end up in writing things noone
including you is gonna care about in the future. Besides the emotional
attachment you build up with capturing your memories it is also supposed
to make you more aware of what is going on in your life and allowing you
steer your life in the right direction that truly reassembles you and
your honest thoughts. Keeping certain things only to yourself can cap
your range of thoughts though and will also put less emphasise on
quality cause at the end of the day you are the only one who is gonna
see the content anyways. Writing things with the thought of a other
person potentially judging you based on your output is a way of enabling
your brain to put out more quality naturally. That is the reason why I
want to ditch the idea of an private journal and pursue sharing my
thoughts on the internet.
Purpose of this blog
TLDR: Hard things are not always supposed to be.
Going after day-to-day life can be difficult. Rooting causes are issues
in skill and timing but most importantly lack in motivation, drive and
purpose. The latter has the power to make you tolerate some friction
though, cause you are on the way to a better future... right?. Building
a business requires time and dedication for a return in fulfillment and
money. Code requires strategy and focus in order to be usable and
reliable. Doing a workout requires effort and sweat for a yield in
strength and health. We often forget though that the equation only
really makes sense when the amount of sacrifice is smaller than the
actual return. Otherwise life will feel harder for no particular reason,
interest will fade and you will end up with a few hard lessons and
probably burnout. Some folks though preach pushing through - they cope
with almost religiously believing in things working out eventually.
Don't get me wrong, positive outcomes are supposed to be accompanied by
some effort otherwise you will most likely end up with the other end of
the spectrum: chronic unsatisfaction. Speaking from a more hands on and
realistic point of view though, there is an abundance in things that
require more time and effort than they should, especially in software
and bureaucracy. Processes that take valuable human time and convert it
into lack in motivation, drive and purpose. Talking about such issues
and attempts on solving them is what I want to talk about.